composer FAILs #12 & #13

This one was a bit...verbose.

I had to chop off the rest of this email because it was so wordy. At least they apologized for the "impersonal nature of this message." What did I send again?

Next one:

Okay, I think this is the competition where I used the pseudonym "Captain Hammer." Dangit, what do I use now? Margaret Yang? Mr. Littlejeans? Dirk Calloway?